I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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