your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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