So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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