if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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