At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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