I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we're making bets on your personal life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
