So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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