Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
