3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
