I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His hands were made for my vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
