We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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