you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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