just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
