You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize