dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
