just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he thought i was a dude.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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