I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
