it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize