We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
