sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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