so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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