Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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