She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
