are you so shy because you have an std?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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