I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
