What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's the barista slut.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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