I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
