her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
