every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
