Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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