It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
