i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
