there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
