I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
