i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
