I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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