Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize