So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
