can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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