Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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