and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
