Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
