Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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