Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
