He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
