Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
