she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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