I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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