So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize