Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials

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(970): View more from Colorado

so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

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(706): View more from Georgia

having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

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(251): View more from Alabama

For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits

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(815): View more from Illinois

Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.

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(714): View more from California

Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?

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