i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
