Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
