hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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