I can tuck mytits in my pants
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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