They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
