i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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