i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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