i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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