Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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