Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
