I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
