i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
