please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
