I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
