So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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