We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
