Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
