i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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