I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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