Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
