Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
