I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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