you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
