the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
