Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
