Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
