did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
