whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
