hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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